Massage

Yesterday I went for my first-ever proper massage. I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now but was held up by the awkward inconvenience that in China “massage parlour” tends to be a euphemism (as does “barber shop.” You have been warned). Anyway, a friend finally recommended a place that offered genuine massages (and nothing else) so today I went in.

It turns out full-body massages are a bit of a mixed bag. The facial section I could happily have skipped, it was just a bit weird. Some of the arm and leg parts were a bit like going for physio—I felt like it was definitely doing me ‘good’, but I can’t say I really enjoyed it. However, the back, neck and shoulder sections are absolutely some of the best things I’ve ever spent money on. There’s a part where the masseuse pinches all the way up your back and then snaps it at the end – it feels as if for all your life previously your skin has been that little bit loose, and now you’ve taken it to a tailor to have it brought in a bit at the sides.

We (the masseuse and I) managed to fit in a couple of awkward-comedy movie moments during the session. At first I left on my shirt and jumper, just to be totally 100% clear that I wasn’t shopping for anything but a massage, but was quickly being suffocated by the collar every time she moved my head. Later we enjoyed the late discovery that my trouser pockets were still full of random junk e.g. packets of tissues and an i-pod. Also that the i-pod was still switched on, and catchy jazz numbers were humming through the headphones, though I hadn’t noticed myself.

My other favourite moment was when she told me I was the hairiest person she had ever seen in her life. Since she’s obviously seen a lot of topless guys before I felt like that really meant something. I also checked that she had massaged Europeans before, that it wasn’t a selection bias due to only seeing Asians. (I don’t think Asian men do massages much, I think it’s more for girls really. Though I’m not sure Western guys get massages much in the West, either). Anyhow, I felt unjustifiably proud of the accolade. I guess it’s just nice to come top in something.